Some psychologist pegged the stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I don't remember denial or bargaining.
I remember anger.
"Damn." That's what I said when my brother called to tell me. I was on my way to the airport, trying to get to see Mom one last time, and I was mad. That someone hadn't phoned early enough for me to have caught an earlier flight and at Mom for not waiting for me.
And I remember a winter of depression.
But I think what I’ve felt the most over the last year is regret. Regret that Mom hadn’t had an easier, happier life. Regret that we hadn't talked more. Regret that we weren't close. Regret that I never forgave her for any of that.
But mostly regret that all our chances to change any of those things are gone.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
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11 comments:
"Even grief sobbed itself out in time; only Time was good for sorrow--Time who saw the passing of each mood, each emotion in turn; Time the layer-to-rest."
John Galsworthy (The Forsythe Saga)
A smell is all it took this morning. Thank Gosh for Linda and to be able to talk with Mickey and you. It does get better as each day passes. Maybe it is guilt I feel - for what, who knows, but life seems to affect me more.
Nicely articulated. I've missed your blog. If you had the appropriate applications I would send you flowers..... I'll work something out. Love,
I've read it takes a good year to work through all the ups and downs of grieving.
Thinking of you! *hugs*
Love,
Helen
Welcome back to the blogosphere. You've been missed.
Is there ever any chance that you can say everything to a person? I don't think so... I guess that's my excuse for not saying anything.
- Querty
We suspected that you were grieving Candy, and yes, we missed your blog too. I don't know if grieving for the loss of a parent or anyone else close to you, is ever really over. There are always reminders that come along unexpectedly and get you in the gut.
Time does help but the loss is permanent.
Love, Muriel.
Hello!
I'm excited to learn you are a blogger too! Say the link at the end of the G&G email you sent out today.
I know what you are saying about the regret. This post is a reinforcement for me to cherish the moments and not let them just pass by.
Mazyar
what muriel said...there is no magic time limit on grief, it comes back and gets you when you least expect it, you are certainly not over it at some magic moment. Embrace it, let yourself be sad, and allow yourself to be angry and frustrated, speak to your mom even though she can't answer you. I'm so sorry Candy.
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